LegalKnievel – Very intriguing poster. He’s incredibly smart and he’s a talented writer.
Bullmarket – Blatent OU homerism forces him to see the world through crimson-colored goggles. tejass fans can’t stand him, OU fans are willing to put up with his delusional perspective. Biggest sunshine pumper on the Scoop.
Wufee – He has an arsenal of guns and he has the most intimidating stare.
SoonerInColumbia – Started the Kiel thread and posts retarded cousin updates on the Bait. Only problem I have with him is his affinity for rap, R&B and hip-hop and dislike for seafood. What in God’s name?
Smash Williams – SIC’s right-hand man in the Kiel thread explosion. He’s a comedian extraordinaire much like SIC. Sheeeeit!
Josh_M – Owner of the joint. Mizzou_Kev thinks he writes a TMZ sports blog. F*cking gold!
Dr. Mazeppa – He’s a prick to me, but that’s because I’ve tried many times to match wits with him. At least everyone else on the board likes him.
Sooner in KS – I hear he brings the best food to a tailgate. If I ever have to beg from someone the next time I go to an OU game, it’d probably be from him.
DANTE_50 – Former All-American linebacker who brings expert analysis on the Sooner football team. I hope he punishes AriSooner in the Oklahoma drill one of these days.
RCSooner1974 – I’m a young pup on the rise. Not the wittiest poster, but I certainly have potential. I’ve experienced some growing pains, but soon I will soon bring a lot of wisdom to OU message boards everywhere.
Nastynate66 – Very witty and good at being a douchebag.
CutAgainstTheGrain – It’s seldom when he posts, but he’s the most spot-on poster with inside information on the Scoop.
Weapon 7 – I love his reverse psychology tactics and his sig.
OUMarvelOUsMarvin – Such a nice guy. If only he were a Hollywood actor.
DFWSoonerDude – Brings a lot of wisdom to the board.
Dr Pacheco – If only he posted on the Bait. One of the smartest posters I’ve ever come across.
Gernansky – All Marines are badasses. He’s a multiple gun owner much like Wuf.
Pinnacle – Where has this guy been? He’s a “thank you” distributor on the Bait.
Jaaa – I’m a fan of his facepalms.
Sunburnt Indian – Much like CATG, it’s rare when he posts. He has the most colorful opinion on the Scoop.
Bring these posters back:
Meni69 -
I’m a fan of his writing
style and his Rhett Bomar
fan site. He knows Jenna
Jameson and you don’t.
Watch out.
IH8TX – OU neck tattoo meathead who wanted to fight everyone. Please bring him back.
blic8964 – Crazy little fireball, but quite entertaining.
Bozrules07/Shutyourpiehole – No one can match him in terms of being a douchebag. He’s a crazy motherf*cker that you want on your side, not against you.
Soup_Stain – I get smarter from reading his posts. I don’t agree with his political views, but he offers colorful opinion on Sooner football, NBA and professional soccer.
Unabubbas – Hard to interpret some of his posts, but he’s one of the smartest posters you’ll ever meet. Brings an antisocial persona, but most people say he’s the salt of the Earth if you meet him in real life.
TheBoz – He’s held in high-esteem much like Wuf. A former Marine with a high IQ.
Silly Bims – Another poster with colorful opinion. Where the hell has he been?
Soonerfactor – Seems like a normal guy, but when he’s drunk…look out.
Soonerjarhead82/NummerOU1 – A Marine wannabe who is a retard and a meathead. Knows about MMA and right-wing politics, but completely clueless on just about everything else. Why do I want him back? Oh, I don’t know…maybe so I can chastise him to the point where he goes as far as to email my employer.
The board’s wordsmith at his best. Please do enjoy.
Oklahoma will enter next fall as the nation’s top-ranked football team, proving its status as a default national championship favorite when nobody else’s team looks all that strong on paper.
Somehow Landry Jones and a line made out of jumbo tight ends have turned the corner on ten years worth of Oklahoma’s road game woes. The Sooners’ last road win (outside of Okahoma) over a team that ended the season ranked? That would be 2000 against Kansas State. Gilding the lilly? Yes I am. Even Carey Murdock noticed Oklahoma’s road problems against Texas A&M last season. And when Carey M. throws his hands up in surrender, there is no more blustery battle to be had, friends.
The more reasonable analysts have pointed out that Oklahoma would be in position to play for a national title, even after a week two loss to Florida State. I could hedge for you. I could tell you that I’ve “heard” things about players working out well, when there would be no way to ever be proven wrong.
I might even tell you that if it ended today, DGB would probably be a Sooner, but that anything might still happen. I’d walk you right up to the faucet, help you with your grant applications, and take your campaign contributions. When the money didn’t come, sheeeee-iiiiiitttt, be patient pardna, cause you’ll need more than a rumble-tumble **** like Slim Charles to take me out.
So here’s 11 things that mostly bore me to tears, but less so than Women’s Soccer and labor negotiations…
11. Oklahoma’s ten commitments – Who gives a shit about this season? What about three seasons from now? Anybody else ready to just move on? Who is going to play quarterback after the guys who haven’t even played yet are done with their eligibility? How am I going to sleep at night knowing that the exact same thing that happens every year is happening again this year? My analysis of this class: one of the players has a 40-time almost as large as his “rivals rating.” I take it that’s probably not good.
10. Landry Jones’ Christian work ethic – So Landry Jones loves Jesus. Who doesn’t? Does he love Jesus like Tim Tebow loved Jesus? Does Landry love Tebow like Jesus loves Tebow? A real Christian who wanted to win a National Championship wouldn’t be out working hard this summer. A real Christian would be in Myanmar, bailing water off the coastline, rescuing orphans from rising sea levels. A real Christian would pay a documentary crew to film all of this for his Heisman video, and make tear-soaked speeches while the talented players on the team looked confusedly at their iPods.
9. Texas A&M – A lesser observer might expect some resemblance between Oklahoma on the road, and Oklahoma at home. It makes sense that most teams that crush ranked opponents would avoid putting up a circus tent every time the went on the road. Or maybe that the team that follows an opening kick return to the 9-yard-line with a bad snap for a safety, before surrendering a touchdown about 45 seconds after the safety punt … that this team might look completely inept no matter where they played. But this team is Oklahoma. The Aggies beat “road Oklahoma.” They will not beat “home Oklahoma.” Ask Johnny Jolly how hard they had to look for a moral victory the last time the Aggies tried to follow up a win over OU.
8. The Big 12 - I don’t ever really want to talk about it anymore. I see ads for the Texas Longhorn network every day in Austin. They look really cool. There’s dramatic music, and slow motion crowd shots, and shit … these ad people could make the holocaust look fun.
You let this happen David Boren. You could have killed it with one swipe of a pen, Joe C. But that’s okay, the greatest recruiting video ever produced is only being aired in the state of Texas on a goddamn loop. We’re going to have our own network too, right? Awesome. I bet it’s going to be backed by ESPN as well, right? Well, at least we’re making more money than those Pac-10 schools.
Son of a bitch.
7. The 50 front – This I like thinking about, actually. It was proactive, it was prescient. I applaud Bob Stoops for going out last summer to learn from the one guy who has most successfully stymied spread offenses for the last decade. This is the key element for the optimism that the 2011 team will succeed where the 2008 team failed. Some reporter might endeavor to ask what research Bob has done this summer. Obviously, he’s been in Italy, studying under World Cup winner Marcello Lippi. Lippi is a master of defensive soccer, and has been brought in to consult on how to get a former soccer player like Tom Wort to f***ing tackle anybody.
6. The skill talent - Landry is a better quarterback than Jason White. He has vaulted above Jason-clone status with his performance against Nebraska last year, and his similar not-going-in-the-tank throws against Oklahoma State. Recently, it’s been worth thought about whether Jones will have more talent around him in 2011 than White had in 2004. Obviously, the offensive lines don’t really compare.
However, in terms of skill talent, Jones may have a wider array of targets than any Oklahoma program, ever. White could hand the ball to a young Adrian Peterson, but to some extent, Peterson’s ability made OU’s offense more predictable. Jones is blessed with fleet-footed tight ends (of course I’m talking about T-Rat), the best fullback in program history, and a bevy of WRs and RBs who have flashed their own unique talents.
5. James Winchester – Call him the Marta of men’s long snapping. I can’t wait for this season. How will he deal with the pressure? Will he avoid the VD that will surely accompany his stardom. Can he ascend to the pantheon of great long snappers, or will Elin Winchester (nee Woods) chase him down a driveway with a kicking tee, ruining his legacy? Notre Dame is already offering junior long-snappers, trying to emulate Oklahoma’s muffed-punt-and-hustling-bastard defense. Apparently he can snap it right through the support leg of a film tower. What a prospect!
4. Gunnerial Green-Kielham – This saga makes me so tired. Can’t they see they’re in love? So I’ve been talking to someone. Someone who lived in Indiana until recently, and set me up with this chick who went to school in Missouri. I asked her about recruiting, and she said “who the shit is Gunner Kiel? Why aren’t you calling my friend back? Stop trying to change the subject.” This tells me that Gunner Kiel is probably going to want to avoid dating this girl. Of course that’s only a 35% chance. Plus she’s 27, so that’s technically rape in some states. Okay, 40% chance. So more a chance that it doesn’t happen than it does, but that’s still my prediction. That it will happen. But there’s a 60-65% chance that it won’t, also.
3. Preseason #1 – Yes, I’d also rather be #1 than … not #1. Still, it seems best if #1 is just a placeholder for an unnamed SEC team, TBD. Probably it will be Alabama or LSU. As if they really need a quarterback to win a national championship. Matt Mauck, Greg McElroy, and Matt Flynn beg to differ, and they do so erratically and without any real ability.
2. Other events in the news – So you can kill a baby in Florida. So you can, as a country, decide to just not send that check to your creditors. So we might be headed for a year without professional sports in America. When I can be reading tabloid rumors about 19-year olds who plan to shorten their life-expectancies for my entertainment, who really cares? This has been the longest offseason ever. I thought winning a bowl game was supposed to cure this hangover. It’s more like taking five quick shots before your coordination gives way from too much vodka-tonic. In retrospect, losing to Connecticut would have been so hilariously us. Oh Bob, you trickster.
1. Kickoff 2011 – Like a distant, glimmering mirage, football time in Oklahoma is almost back. We’re a juggernaut, which makes all of this fun. Ten wins is assumed, and the nits worth picking only stand between Oklahoma and trophies. The crowds will be huge and enthusiastic, the tradition will waft off of Owen Field, driving the program forward. One of the nine scholarship kickers will put his foot through the ball, sending it to the fifteen-yard-line (none of them can kick it to the endzone, of course), and most likely, Tulsa will return it for a touchdown.
Somewhere in the stands, I’ll be happily thinking: Son of a bitch.
Anyone who watched the Heat in the final minutes of Game 6 of the 2011 NBA Finals has to be thinking to themselves this: “Why in God’s name are people comparing LeBron James to Michael Jordan?” Michael won six championships and never left the same city during that process. Also, Michael had the ability to back up his trash talk on the court; LeBron doesn’t. Anyone who thinks LeBron is a better player than Michael has got to be shitting themselves. First of all, LeBron has averaged less than 29 points three times in his six playoff seasons. Michael never averaged fewer than 29 points in the playoffs. Also, LeBron has yet to win an NBA Finals game while plagued by the flu or hit six three-pointers in a half. It’s safe to say that LeBron will never equal Michael Jordan in any respect. Another thing holding LeBron back is his current coach Erik Spoelstra is nowhere near the same coach as Phil Jackson or Pat Riley. He’ll probably have better success as the foundation of an NBA dynasty if the Heat hired one of those two coaching legends and gave Spoelstra the axe. And for God’s sake, LeBron needs to better his play in the fourth quarter. He sucked ass when the game mattered most. Dirk Nowitzki sodomized the Heat during clutch time, making LeBron and D-Wade look very foolish for their “Sick Dirk” impressions. If I were them, I would hide in a cave these next four months and come back with a fresh start to the 2011-12 season. I do think LeBron will win a championship in South Beach, but it’s ad hominem to say he’s equal to Michael Jordan as a player. He may average four triple-doubles a season, but he’s not in the same league as the former six-time champion. Someone get back to me when LeBron has as many rings as MJ. Bye bye.
LeBron jokes I stole from the Chicago Tribune:
LeBron James is set to release his own line of headphones. The sound quality is amazing as it has no ring.
LeBron James was just traded to the Florida Panthers. He should be wildly successful, since in the NHL, there are only 3 periods.
I saw LeBron before the game and I asked for $1. He gave me 75 cents. I said where’s the rest? He replied i don’t have a 4th quarter.
What’s the difference between Saturn and LeBron James? They’re both big and full of gas, but at least Saturn has rings.
The new movie called “the fourth” will star LeBron James as the invisible man.
Why didn’t LeBron James go to college? Because he can’t pass the finals.
What does LeBron James have in common with a fabric store? Neither carries any hardware.
Apple is coming out with a LeBron James iPhone. But it only vibrates because it has no rings.
Why does LeBron only get served boneless buffalo wings? Because he has a tendency to choke.
Tomorrow is Lebron James day, everyone gets to leave work 12 minutes early.
The guy is so unpredictable, but he’s a fucking genius. It’s hard to comprehend some of his posts, but there is definitely a subtle message in each one of them. If there’s one guy who makes everyone a better poster, it’s Una.
2. Nastynate
I credit this guy for keeping me on Bait. He is so good at teaching me how to be a douchebag. Thanks Nate! I’d probably say you and Una are the ones who keep me posting, even after I’ve attempted several times to go cold turkey.
3. TheBoz
I hated this guy when I first joined Soonerbait, but after a while I figured out why this guy created the board. How many locker room message boards are there? He once said I’m the “hairiest guy in a 14 year olds locker room”, I couldn’t agree more with that logic. I once was (and probably still am) the lamest poster on the Bait, but I’m only in my early 20s and it takes me a while to interpret the nuances of message board humor.
4. SoonerInCOMO
This “Uncle Tyrone” is a comedian extraordinaire. His retarded cousin updates are some of the funniest shit I’ve ever read. He’s also the best at drunk posting on the Bait.
5. Soup Stain
Thank God we have a wordsmith on that board, otherwise everyone would be as dumb as Lindsay Lohan or George W. Bush. He may be a left-winger, but it’s so funny when he insults you that you have to overlook it.
6. Bozrules07
No one does a better job at being a rude, sarcastic asshole than BR07. We need someone to chastise retards like Jarhead for entertainment purposes.
7. Wufee
He brings years of life experience to our board. He’s almost in his 70s, but that doesn’t stop him from doing what he does. He’s the most respected poster on Bait in my book.
8. DFWSoonerDude
Another guy good at being a douche. He gives me so much shit, but I don’t let him get the best of me. I will say this, he’s very witty and I give him partial credit for making me who I am today.
9. Dr. Mazeppa
This guy really gets under my skin, but I do get a good laugh from him. I don’t really like him very much personally, but I do get smarter from reading his posts.
10. Poopypants/Soonerjarhead
I have this guy on my list, but not necessarily for anything good or meaningful. I have him on here because he’s a fucking imbecile who was court ordered to pay a debt. He also emailed someone’s employer one time for their “message board habits”. He puts the word “fun” in “dysfunctional”. Everyone needs a retard to kick around, and Jarhead is Bait’s own personal punching bag. Thank you for taking my place, Kent!
